.pieces of you.

There's a red envelope that I keep by my desk that has my name written in your handwriting...I know it contains sweet words from you.

There's a cute figurine of a pig in a blanket that sits quaintly nearby.

There's a silver picture frame with your handsome smile beaming out towards me, always making me smile.

A duct tape ring, a New Jersey license plate...yes, you seem to have permeated my life in the best way possible, and all those vestiges of you make me so very happy to look at.

Hearing your voice every morning, every night...I love our routine and I can't remember what life was like before we fell into this beautiful habit. Every sweet reminder belongs in this room, just as you belong in my life...truly, you do!

I would not have it any other way, my love. Please do not stop leaving bits and pieces of you behind each time you come to stay for awhile. Never break our wonderful habit of always trying to keep in contact. Never, ever stop being the way you are...

I love you so, so much...you are the light in my soul, truly. I can't imagine going on without you.
I love, love, love you!

.awake.

At times, I wonder what the real difference is between waking and sleeping.

The dreary monotony of my days lately brings these questions to the surface of my mind...the restless dreams of slumber do not have disparity with the constant rush of my days...all seems alike to this insatiable heart.

The moments when the sweet and wonderful differences are clear are those that stay permanently stamped in my memory...they popped out from the dull gray exterior like colorful 3D shapes that wrapped themselves around my weary mind and helped me to see that, oh, there is something that makes sleep the enemy, someone who I want to stay awake for...and he, oh, he makes all the difference between waking and sleeping.

I could wile away my days, legs wound tightly against my chest, deep in sleep...and when he is gone, yes, I do wish that I could hit the fast forward button by sleeping away the weeks that are void of his touch...

But when I see that familiar gleam in his green eyes, run my hand over the beautiful shadows on his jaw...then, I remember, through those feelings, what it means to truly be awake...a thousand jolting feelings flood my heart, my eyes, my lips...all pour out this all-encompassing feeling of love to him.

He is the one that keeps these eyes open, searching for the key to unlock the door that holds the meaning of awake...the one that keeps me from longing for sleep to forget the repetitive days...the one that shows me what it really means to be alive...and awake.

I will stay awake for him. For all time.

.never want to escape.

My heart just told me that it is lonely tonight, and will remain so until you are here again.

I am captured in time, frozen with the feelings of a pure, unadulterated love upon my face...I cannot and will not forget the brush of our first kiss nor the bliss I feel when you and I chase the sunshine down the road nor any other memory you and I have made together...you are utterly unforgettable.

I will not move from this feeling. I will not escape from this all consuming love, this driving force that slumbers deep inside my heart even when my mind is forced to focus on other areas.

No one can break me away from these chains that I so willingly bear that tie me to your love, your heart...though the distance is far, I would gladly bear much more if only to see your loving eyes upon mine for a moment.

I cannot escape you! How bold it is of me to say it, but just writing it down solidifies how truly it resonates within me...I know this feeling just as surely as I know anything. And the most freeing part of this permanent hold you have on me (to be ironic) is that I could never want anything more than this feeling.

It is the sweetest feeling in the world, to be so utterly entwined in you that there is no other way to live...if you cut me away from the vine that is you, I will shrivel and fold in on myself, curling up to die in a desperate and loveless existence. Without you here, I am slowly but surely fading...the color fades from my eyes and the sparkle that you incite seems to be lost.

But it is temporary, my love, for I know that upon seeing you again, my eyes will shine and overflow with the love that I have kept so deep inside this aching soul. I will fly to you and you shall look deep in my eyes and see that you cannot escape me any more than I can evade you.

.breathe in.

My throat felt constricted today, leaving me visibly breathless as I struggled to push the thoughts of your looming absence out of this clouded head.

Even the most arbitrary tasks like breathing seem painful and drawn-out when you aren't here...with your hand in mine, I inhale and exhale with the greatest ease, savoring the sweet feeling of air in my lungs.

But oh, have I mentioned how unstable my days are without you? Your hands may just seem like just another part of your body to you, but they quite literally hold me together...without you, I fall to pieces, grasping at the crumbling foundation of my purpose as I descend into the throes of the melancholy.

But the reuniting is always so sweet, my love...feeling your embrace again for the first time is intoxicating...I cannot get enough of your touch, your look...and you always leave me panting, begging for more.

Tonight, my chest aches upon the blunt realization of your apparent absence. This heart is struggling to beat its way out of its constraints to escape across the miles to lie next to you tonight. I wish to break free from these chains that tie me to this dismal city so that I can breathe easy in your soothing presence.

Waiting is such sweet sorrow...the parting, it is just dull, dull sorrow. The separation has a silver lining, for I do fall deeper and deeper into this passionate love I have for you with each passing day. But oh, I pray it does not last much longer...

I cannot breathe without you here.

.tonight.

Focusing is increasingly hard without your constant hand to hold on to.

Without your strong grip encasing my sometimes feeble hand, I feel lost, desolate, confused...that is, until I hear that wonderful voice pouring across the distance and seeping into my very being, making me feel so very alive once again.

Without you, the spark in my eyes flickers and goes out quietly, ever more with each passing day. When you come to me again so swiftly and lovingly, the flames begin again, rushing out of my very fingertips with the heat emanating from my very core.

This love that drips ever so softly from my eyes from time to time is only for you. This love that always cascades from my lips when I speak of you is only for you. This love that hides behind my closed eyes at night...it is only for you.

This beautiful, bold, unpredictable love sleeps inside me throughout the day, always winding its way around my heart and infusing itself in my very breath. I breathe in your love with each gasp of these lonesome lungs, and I know that soon you will constantly be by my side, singing over me and filling this tired heart with overflowing joy.

I will rush to you with the wind and water tonight...I will lie by your side, constantly reminding you of how much I feel. Do you feel? Do you feel it with you now as you read these words that stretch across the miles to sit beside you in the depths of the night? I am hurtling across the miles, swifter than the light that tries to catch me in the black of night and soon, I will be huddled in your warm embrace once again, if only in spirit tonight.

I will fall asleep with you tonight and rest easy in the arms that I know so well. I will trace figures across your beautiful face as you fall into the depths of a dream and watch the sleep parade across your features.

I will be with you tonight because this love we have transcends all distance.

.love actually.

The whisper of your breath against my neck will float along with me always.

The gentle nuances of you...they will follow my steps, pacing slightly behind me and always hanging above me, reminding me of all that you are.

The fog drapes low over me now, clouding my eyes, concealing my purpose...I left it all behind five hours ago, and I have been consistently craning my neck to catch the fleeting glimpses of the past four days before they sink into the clouds of my fallible memory.

This insurmountable distance...I feel as if I am climbing a treacherous mountain that seems to lack any sturdy footholds...I am simply grasping at pebbles for some kind of support, rendering me doomed as I slide down the face of the crest.

Where is your strong hand, your protecting grasp, your timeless face? Hidden from view, my heart’s desire is further than these thousand miles that technically separate us now...it is strewn out in space, severed in half, blown away like the seeds of some exotic flower that I never had seen before I saw your face.

But the truth is, I did see a face...I saw a face...a face of the one that I always want to know. I want to watch that beautiful face change with the years, watch the parade of emotions that will run the gamut across your features, explore each line and crevice that will eventually crease your face with the passage of time. I want to always run my hands over the rough stubble of your strong jaw line, feeling the heat of your love pressed against my own skin as we lie entangled in a goose bump infested embrace.

I remember the smell of your shoulder, the taste of your neck, the feel of your legs against mine. How could I forget? Each memory that we have created rivals a precious relic that I never wish to slip from my grasp into the realms of the forgotten.

Where are you now? Are you dashing across the paved paths to the epicenter of the population? Do the curved dendrites spiraling out from this pulsing center of communication somehow lead me to you? The shining lights of your city seem to reach out to me, lighting the hallways in my heart that have been darkened since you took your leave. This mean city that I am tied to seems brighter when I think of your radiant presence in my life.

The feeling of the whisper of your heart against my heart will float along with me always...
Always reminding...always remembering...always creating...always growing.

It's more than just a feeling...it's love, actually.

"If you don't love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve."
-Donald Miller

.here's to the future.

My future is so utterly beautiful now that you're in my life...do you know that?

You make my days have so much more purpose, so much more reasoning behind them...all because your love is singing over me with each step I take, each breath I breathe.

I can almost taste what it will feel like to be yours forever because I know that we will be united as one before the next three years have passed. I can nearly hear those words that we will say at the altar, nearly feel the press of your hand against mine as we leave the church as a permanent couple, nearly see the future that we are already so lovingly planning...

Every sound that comes from you is precious to me, so why would I ever want to stop listening to you? The next natural progression in our relationship is to solidify this bond that we already have in the eyes of the world, to be promised to each other forever...

And truly, I cannot wait for the day that I can proudly call myself the betrothed to someone as wonderful as you...I will be even more blessed than I already am, if that's possible.

It's just the waiting part now...I know that you love me as much as I love you. Soon, we will put a permanent stamp on that love and sail through our days knowing that we will soon be joined together forever.

.never going back to before.

Such a dark and dreary existence was mine before I knew your sweet love...

Truly, I cannot recall what pleasure or what happiness I found in those days before I first heard your beautiful voice and felt the tug of love on my heartstrings...

The meaningless tasks with which I filled my days seem now to be a part of a distant and far-removed past, a part of a place to which I never wish to return...

To go back to before I knew you...it would be terrible. Having tasted such a sweet love, now I never want to go without your soothing words, your beautiful touch, your endless care.

My days were brightened by the love of a Savior, and oh, He blessed me with a human companion as beautiful and loving as you!

Outside of my love of Him, though, I do not know what held my attention during those wearisome days without your presence.

Now that I have been given such a marvelous gift from above, I know that I will never relinquish this ownership of your heart that you have given me. I shall hold tight to this relationship...if relationship is really a strong enough word to describe what we have...it's more like a bond, an intense connection, an inseparable linking of two souls.

I shall never let go of you, my love...if you bid me farewell, I shall unwillingly let you go, and I will always keep you in my heart. I cannot and will not love another on this Earth...you have forever tainted my view of what is pure and what is lovely, because I know no one will surpass you in my eyes.

May I always see you this way...no...I will always see you this way...for you have stolen my heart, captured my soul, taken me as your own.

.marry me?.

Small glimpses of the future thrill me when I am privileged enough to see them...

Tonight, as we matter-of-factly talked about our future marriage, I was stunned with how real this is to me. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is you that I will be walking towards down that aisle.

The details are unclear now...I do not know what church, what minister, what day or what time...all I know is that I will marry you, my love...if you'll have me.

This love I have for you knows no bounds...it does not need to be defined by human constraints, and it cannot be put into words because it is so much bigger than myself.

But marriage...oh, that is one human convention that our love will submit to! There will be no greater joy, no greater happiness to me than to be known as the bride of someone so utterly wonderful...you are so loving, so handsome, so caring...everything! It would take volumes to do you justice, and to think you have chosen me as your beloved...the feeling is matchless.

When you slip that engagement ring on my finger, it will be a marker of what I already know...my heart belongs to you and all of me will belong to you on a day quickly approaching when I tell you that I do...

Those two words will mean as much as those three words that we already have the privilege of saying...but soon, we will be able to tell each other how much we do love as husband and wife.

.love for you.

Days seem to drag without you here to hold my hand...

Memories of you keep me pushing forward towards the day that I can see your sweet face one more and let you hold me very close to your heart...you must know by now that you reside in the closest, deepest places of my heart...

Truly, you illuminate every darkened corner, every desolate corridor in my heart...it is all for you.

When I met you, my heart was an empty room, begging for someone to start over with, someone to care for with every part of it. Patience gave me you, and my heart has never been happier, never sung more sweetly than it has when you're near...and really, even when you're not, I find my heart still racing, beating for you.

Our shared loves overlap so beautifully...our common interests, goals...they have all colored the walls of my heart with joy and certainty that you are indeed the one for me. The part of you that interests me the most is your heart, and since I know that you have overtaken mine, I can only hope that yours is equally stolen by me.

May we continue to love this deeply, this strongly, this passionately for the rest of our days...truly, I have dwindled away nineteen years without you, and I intend to never lose sight of your heart and your love for my remaining years.

Should such joy be mine as to be given the right to adore you for all time...no greater bliss would be known to this heart, which has metamorphosed from an empty, groaning space to an overflowing source of love and joy for you. Knowing that I now can focus my love and joy on a significant other as well as on my Savior is such a beautiful blessing from above, really, it is.

So thank you for giving me the ability to love again...but then again, it was easy, for loving you comes so absolutely natural because you are so utterly loveable.

.future.

When you are tired, please lay your head next to mine and rest.
When you feel overwhelmed, please escape into my love and feel at peace.
When you are weary, rest in my arms and let me hold you until you don't worry anymore.

When I see that you are consistently running from one place to the other, trying to get everything done, I just want to remind you that I will always be constant, no matter how tumultuous the rest of your day is.

I always want to hear your voice, always want to be the one to tell you that I love you. God is our peace, our strength and our comfort, but I strive to be another source of comfort that can be near to you as possible, even with this distance separating us.

You want such beautiful things in life...and your goals are so very admirable. It's part of the reason that I am so certain that you are the man I want to marry. You aspire to be a wonderful father and husband, and you know that there are certain areas that you don't compromise on when it comes down to it.

I want to take care of you as you wish to take care of me. I want to be your constant, your rock, the other hand that is always reaching out.

You fulfill every quality that I have ever hoped or dreamed for in a man, and I intend to stay with you for all time, if you'll have me. I was first intrigued by your wit, your charm and your adorable smile, but it is your heart that I have fallen so deeply in love with. You love me with a capacity that I thought impossible, and I know that nothing in this world would make me as happy as to have you by my side for all time...together, we will serve God and live for Him each day as we continue to grow in love and in harmony.

.a day like today.

Beautiful spring breezes whispered against my cheek this afternoon, telling me of the wonderful possibilities of today.

Something about the way the sunlight danced across the leaves and the gentle breeze that fluttered around my bare legs made my heart sing for joy for all the beauty that is in creation.

All the beauty in today was nothing compared to the beauty I see in you every day.

If you were here, it would not matter if today had been overcast and bitterly cold.
If you were here, it would not matter if I could never have ventured outdoors.
If you were here, it would be of no consequence if the sun did not shine...

But oh, if you could have been here with me today, it would have been absolutely perfect...the kind of perfection that most people never get to experience because, after all, a love like ours is something that many are not so blessed with.

If you could have been here today, we would have gone to the park with a cheap kite with some silly Disney character on it and flown it until we had gotten our fill of watching the bright colors spin against the flawless blue backdrop.

Letting the sun warm our face, we would lay back on a soft blanket and watch the clouds drift by, naming shapes as we saw them and tracing our fingers to let the other in on our artistic visions.

Our hearts are already full to the point of bursting every day, but today, the love would spill out from us, running over to pour out of our bodies through our smiles, our laughter, our absolute happiness and contentment that only comes from being in the presence of each other and of Him.

.driving.

I find meaning in the smallest remnants that you left behind...

Now that you're gone, each little trace of your smile, your laugh, you way of life means so much to me...they truly soothe the aching heart of this devoted girl.

Driving for the first time in awhile was strange...

The last time I had driven, it was to take you to the place that would take you from me. I did not want to leave my backseat that day when we snuggled close with whispered promises of love and loyalty. I marked your hand with my love, and you took mine in yours, carefully crafting your sentiments in a dark blue hue on my palm.

The ink has faded, but your memories have not.

Driving down these desolate roads, the rattling of a glass bottle caught my attentions.
Looking down, I realized it was the same bottle that had held your green tea...the same bottle that marked yet another memory with you, the memory of strolling across a campus that is home to me and new to you.

As I pressed on, I remembered smelling the same kind of body wash you use on a student that sat nearby...I longed to be in your embrace and breathe deeply of your wonderful scent again. I know that time seems longer when I am apart from you, but it is ever so surely bringing me back to you again.

These memories flood me...overcome me...become me.
They will all come rushing back to me when I step onto Virginian soil once more and right back into your loving embrace...I am coming back to you to make more beautiful memories, my love...you can count on it.

.stargazing with you.

You are the only song I want to sing...did you know that?

There is no one else for me tonight...no one else for me tomorrow...no one else for me for all the rest of my days.

The dreariness of my existence before you was not apparent until you stumbled ever so beautifully into my life...my mediocre days are nothing compared to those fleeting moments when I am captured by your arms and your love.

The same night sky is spread across both of us tonight.

We can gaze heavenwards and see the same winking stars, speaking of the continuity that binds all of us together as one common spectator of something so marvelously beautiful.

I know that I can trace my finger across the constellations and make pictures on my own...but I want you to see them too. I want to be able to grasp your hand, lift it toward the sky and paint a picture with your fingers as they trace out shapes that aren't charted in any astronomy book.

We will make our own paths, our own pictures, our own life together...I know this to be true. This common sky, this common bond, this common love...they all draw us close together as one person with one beating heart, it seems.

Tonight, I want to lay in the dewy leaves of grass with my palms facing to the galaxies spread above me and just marvel...but only if you will lie with me and find those elusive shapes in the stars that I know are out there, waiting to be uncovered by inquiring minds such as ours.

The moisture will soak through the thin cotton of my shirt and seep into every pore of my body, letting me breathe in the damp relief and giving me that sharp prick of life once again on my skin. Our hands will find each other and intertwine so beautifully and so perfectly because, after all, my fingers lace together with yours so well.

We will just lay there without saying many words and know that we are complete in that moment when we fix our eyes to the heaven and hold each other's hands and hearts close for all time.

.memory.

I hate that walking away part...

You know...that part where you and I embrace ever so fondly for such a long time, only to have to separate and send the other on their way back to the place that seems so lonely without their other half.

Do you know how much I hated that first step away from your loving smile? Do you know how much this intense hatred increased with every step that took me further away from true love?

The thinnest barrier between us bothered me. Knowing that I could not reach beyond that black rope to hold your hand killed my spirits...and the further realization that I could not hold your hand for a very long time broke me down.

I hate crying...except when my tears fall from love for you.

As you hurtled away at 600 miles per hour, I drove at 80 miles per hour, widening the gap between us slowly but surely. The "leaving" images are forever stored in my mind, and I still remember the smell of the cinammon roll...
the feel of the ink pen against my hand...
the lady who worked at the ticket counter...
the group of girls behind you in line for security...
and the downward cast of my eyes as I walked away from you, following the mosaic tiles on the floor.

I know that a day exists where no more leaving images have to be made. The memories of airplanes and ticket counters will only exist with both of us leaving together to venture into some wild, chaotic adventure.

The images we will make will be of wedding rings, of summers spent together, of children, of laughter, of love that will know no distance.

.true beauty in you.

I have never doubted the true colors of your heart, my love.

You shine so brightly to me, and those colors cannot help themselves...they pour out of you each time you say my name and with each breath you take.

How blessed can I be? Could I really be so wonderfully painted with the same brush that sweeps over you? Could you want to be with me for all time? Could it be...?

Color seems to be a recurring theme with me when I think about you. Those days spent residing in your arms seem to be much, much more vivid than all my days apart from you. You saturate every part of my soul, it seems...you stimulate my vision, my touch, my dreams...and most importantly, my heart.

I long to see the beautiful hue of your soul for the rest of my life. I long to wake up each morning to the same beautiful face that is captured in the portrait by my bed...only it will be the real, living, breathing you that I have fallen so wonderfully and deeply in love with.

To think that this love overrides all sensibility, all logic, all reason is an understatement for me. You incite me to drive miles upon miles just to see your face, if but for a moment.
You inspire me to let you pervade my thoughts constantly, sweeping me away from this cruel reality I am currently in without you here.
You take me to places in my heart that I had thought locked away and unaccessible.

You have taken the key, thrown open the door and filled every corner of the empty rooms in my heart with your love...and really, I cannot thank you enough.

I love you.
That is not enough.
I love you.
It is still not enough.
Those three words...a paltry resemblance of how much I feel for you.

.can you feel it?.

Can you feel it?

This separation felt so much more difficult today...could you feel it in the air?

I did...

I run around all day with purpose in my strides, but I feel like it's a lie...my purpose, my motivation lies in Virginia and the only way I can feel complete is if I am by your side.

Though I hold you so very closely in my heart, I wish to hold you in my arms as well. Nothing can sever this love we have, but oh, to be with you...it would be pure bliss.

Just the mere notion that it could happen very soon and in a more permanent way is enough to give me hope.

My love transcends the distance...always know that. How sweet it would be to be in your physical presence, but take comfort in the fact that my love knows no bounds, no limits...no distance.

Through my craziest days, my most overwhelming moments, I feel your quiet presence surrounding me, reminding me that I am loved. I feel the brush of your hand, the whisper of your care and the feel of your heart beating with mine.

I am far, far away from you right now. I wish to be near to you, but this wait is the sweetest I have ever known...for I know that the ultimate prize of you is one that is so worth the wait.

I love you, I love you, I love you...that much is for certain, for always.

.raining on my soul.

The rain is beating down on my roof and my heart tonight.

As I crane my eyes down toward the ever-widening puddles gathering around me, I can feel the slow drips creeping their way into my very being, soaking my soul with thoughts and memories of you.

The missing of you seems to be a persistant drip that is steadily increasing to a flood of remorse and absence...

Every part of you rains on my soul.

I remember sunny days, filled with laughter and love. I remember sweet nights spent in your arms, only parting to catch a few hours of forced slumber until we could be together again.

I remember the feel of your hand, the smell of your neck and the taste of your lips.
I remember the slope of your nose, the planes of your cheeks and the curve of your arm.

This night, filled with dreary rain, rushes over every part of my heart and my soul. The soaking, sinking feeling I get when I remember that you're not here is almost unbearable tonight...and it's a feeling that I am not often without.

I feel your love, reaching across this ocean that separates us tonight, but I long to bridge a much shorter distance to close the gap between our hands and hearts.

I wish for you here. I wish to make more memories of you, with you and about you.

The rain will continue to fall. Time will continue to pass, and you and I will grow closer and closer...and someday, when the sun is shining, or even when the rain is pouring, we will always be close together.

.thoughts on a day spent missing you.

The winding road today led me everywhere but near to you, it seemed.

Curving and undulating across the vast Missouri plains, I felt that each mile that led me further east toward your loving face pushed me closer and closer to just leaving it all behind and driving the rest of those 700 miles.

The golden touch of the fading sun caused the shadows of clouds to race across the hills and bluffs, and I wished to run with them, straight into your open arms.

I know that as the seasons turn and mature, I will always be wanting to run.

Run right back into your heart, your arms, your love...it envelopes me, consumes me, breathes life into me.

Your love is a treasure beyond comparison. To me, you are the most beautiful and most loving. You embody everything I have ever hoped, wished and prayed for.

I gazed at the empty fields today as I hurtled by...at the broken stalks of corn bowing their heads deep into the shaded earth. They seemed to be burrowing their heads to get away from the light, the shadows, the reality of life.

I wish to escape reality too...but no, I do not want to burrow and hide. I want to be with you, escape with you.

I feel like a mere husk of myself, simply subsisting on your dulcet tones that I hear each night, pouring their love out to me. I am not broken physically, but my heart feels torn without you here.

Soon, I will not bow down toward the ground any longer because you will be there with me, holding me upright. Your loving arms will encircle me, pulling me up to take in the sunshine with you.

Our faces will be tilted sweetly toward the heavens, and we will thank Him once again for bringing us close together.

.a lack of color.

My day lacked color without you here.

I went through the motions, wishing for you to come bounding around any and every corner to take my empty fingers in yours and reassure me that everything would be alright.

The sky kissed me on the cheek today, begging my eyes to look up and take in the beauty of a perfect Creator, and I knew that the color was seeping in around the edges.

But where were you? Why weren't you there with me, throwing bucket after bucket of color across my dreary vision? You make everything beautiful again. You make the blurred edges sharp and refined again, and you transform the gray, somber outlook into a vivid picture of love and happiness.

I find myself looking to my right, searching for a shoulder to lay my head on or an arm to hook mine through...and it's not just anyone that will do...only you can fill this aching, longing void in my heart.

Or should I say lack of heart? It's yours...it has been removed from me in the sweetest yet most painful way possible.

This bittersweet symphony I have been singing since you have been gone fills my lungs with each thought of you, each memory. The joy I have about us is touched by the sadness at your absence, outlined in a thin line of depression.

I can't do this all on my own. You are a part of me. You are the color of my days, the song I always want to sing. Where are you? Where are you?

Where are you?

.always forever.

I still remember the sunlight that fell across your face that day as we stared across that overlook into the beautiful mountains.

It framed your face so beautifully, capturing the face I have grown to love so much in the most wonderful way possible. Every part of that face is loved by me.

Standing there, holding your hand, I could not have been in a more perfect place...or any happier than I was at that exact moment in time.

The days slipped by all too fast, and I found myself growing closer and closer to you as the time told me that the distance would be further and further in just a few short breaths.

When I breathe now, I breathe you in. When I sing now, I sing for you. When I see now, all I can see is your face reflected in the sky, touched by the bare branches of winter.

The ocean was born again today, and it seems much, much further...the pain, the distance...they all seem much more real and palpable. I can feel your breath on my ear, telling me you love me when I sit very still...but it is not enough to remember it...I need you so much closer.

I am torn apart. I have been snatched away, unwillingly, from the one I love....the one I need...my very heartbeat. There is a gaping hole where you have kept my heart near to you in Virginia...and it's yours to keep, my love.

But truly, I know that I will fade and wilt without you here. My days, they loom before me, speaking of the utter insignificance they hold for me now that you're gone. There's nothing, nothing more without you here.

As I sit here tonight, thinking of you, I know you're sitting down too, wishing for me. This love we have, it is matchless...uncomparable...unbeatable. The distance won't keep us from loving one another for all time.

As I sit here tonight, know that I am sitting next to you again, stroking your head and gazing into your eyes, if only in dreams. We'll be together again soon...but until then, I am with you always.

.one.

Tomorrow...

It holds a lot of promises that we've been waiting to fulfill.

Promised kisses, promised words, promised trips...

Tomorrow starts them all.

And truly, it can't come fast enough...I know that tonight, I will sleep with the knowledge that the next time I lay my head down to rest, I will be near you again.

My heart is already lying down with you each night, following you around each day and keeping you happy when I am not there.

Now, the rest of me will be there with you too. I will be able to hold your hand in mine, run my hand across your cheek when I tell you how much I love you, and even kiss you as many times as I want...which will be a lot, since I've been withholding them for two months nearly. :]

Tomorrow is just another day to so many...but gosh, to me, it is the single most important day I've had come my way in a long time.

You mean so much to me...and tomorrow, I can tell you that in person.

Twenty three hours from now, I will be in your arms...and I will tell you, over and over again, how much I love you.

.two.

Beautiful weather always evokes a kind of nostalgic feeling in me.

Usually, I long for some balmy days far off in my past, spent running around with the youthful vigor that seems to be elusive to me lately.

But today, goodness...I longed for you to be there with me, holding my hand and walking slowly together as we soaked in every bit of that glorious sun.

It's quite unusual really...not the fact that I thought about you and wished you here, but because of the circumstances.

You see, we met on a cold, rainy day. You would think the dreariest of days would remind me of you.

But that could not be further from the truth.

Truly, the sunniest, most beautiful days that God has in store for us remind me of you. The rain reminds me of you. The wind, the snow, the storms...every day reminds me of you.

And each day does not bring a fluctuating affection for you...unlike the weather, I stay constant in my adoration of you.

Here in Missouri, it can snow blankets upon blankets one day and be followed by the warmest of days after.

Here in my heart, the atmosphere is always the same. The changing weather may envelop me as I walk from place to place, but it shall not affect the depths of my heart...

Because truly, my heart is totally filled with you.

I love you...always.

.three.

The days seem to be alternately flying by and dragging by...

Some days go very quickly, and at the end, I find myself shocked and pleased that I am one day closer to you.

Other days, every minute seems like an eternity, because I wish to be by your side so much that each moment apart from you is harder than the last.

Tonight, now that I'm at the end of this day, I sigh with relief because I know that I will wake up tomorrow with the knowledge that only two full days separate me from you.

It's so close I can feel the anticipation building up...and I know that first meeting in the airport will be everything I imagined and hoped it to be.

Just feeling your warm embrace again for the first time in almost two months will be beautiful...and that's only scratching the surface of the amazing time we're going to spend together.

Day[s!] spent just talking, laughing, exploring...together...will be so wonderful. I know that those days will go all too fast for my taste, but even an hour with you would be so worth it.

I miss you very much, my Charles, and I know that each minute that passes brings me closer to you...but no amount of time could possibly render these two hearts closer than they already are.

:]
I sure do love you.

.four.

Late last night, I could not sleep.

I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but I knew that my mind would not let me rest until I heard your voice.

It's strange, really...without knowing that you are home, safe and sound, I really cannot rest at ease.

I was tired, for sure, but you outweigh lack of sleep by so much, my love. Nothing could overcome this care and worry I have for you when I'm unsure of where you are...absolutely nothing.

And it all stems from this love that swells in my heart each time I think of you, see you or hear your voice...I want to be able to know that you're resting easy each night for the rest of my life...and hopefully, sooner rather than later, I will be by your side each night so I won't have to worry anymore.

I was two hours closer to you last night, but the amount of closeness between our hearts did not change a bit...it has always been inseparable.

My love, know that this will never change for me. I will always feel this way...always.

.five.

You've got so much love in you...

As I drove home today, I sang that song in my loudest tones and I thought of you and your incredible amount of care for me.

I can only hope to mirror such a beautiful thing in my own actions, because truly, you make this girl feel more loved than anything.

I'm amazed that I'm talking to you...

Really...every night, this feeling is renewed in me. You are so amazing, so it only seems reasonable for our talks every night to live up to such a high standard. Just hearing your voice soothes me in a way that I previously thought impossible, and if I go a night without hearing it, I cannot sleep.

You look like the songs I've heard my whole life coming true...

This line is oh so relative...it seems that my entire life, I had listened to those beautiful lyrics that extoled the feeling of love...but now I know it as my own and I will never, ever feel the same again. You are all those beautiful songs coming true for me, and I hope that this will be something permanent, everlasting...

The time that separates is growing ever shorter, my love, and my love for you is growing ever stronger. When I am reunited with you again, I will be able to lay my eyes on someone who truly does have so much love in him...and be able to call him my own.

I love you...forever and ever.

.i will always only think of you.

"This is incredible, starving, insatiable..yes, this is love for the first time..."

What we have certainly is incredible, is it not? Not hearing your voice for the greater part of today has taken its toll on me and left me starving for your love and affection.

I know that you'll call me soon...but even after that, this love I have for you is insatiable and can not be abated by a simple phone call...I will only be cured of this longing when I can really be held safely in your arms.

It is coming soon...the time where you and I can intertwine our fingers and our hearts again for a few days. Though the time will be fleeting, the memories...oh, they will stay and carry me through until we meet again.

This love I have for you is steadily growing and ever unchanging in intensity...it cannot be overtaken by such a paltry obstacle as distance.

Tonight, as I lie in my bed to sleep, I will only think of you.
I will only think of the day when I can lay my head sweetly on your shoulder as I slip off into a dreamland.
Tonight, as I lie in my bed, I will only dream of the next time I will see your face.
The tinges of reality will reach through the mist of my dream reverie, as I will be seeing you in five short days.

Tonight, I will only think of you.
Tomorrow, I will only think of you.
And so it shall go on...

Forever.

.seven.

Nothing worth having comes easily, you know?

It seems like it’s been so long since you and I had real eye contact...you know...the kind that leaves you breathless because you know that you’re looking into the eyes of love, love that is mirrored in my own.

I’ve counted up the characters used to write my proclamations of affection each night, the letters I’ve sent you across the states and the minutes spent listening to your voice, but you must know that they do not add up to how much I think you’re worth.

Not even close.

It’s been a struggle...at times, I felt like we had taken two steps forward, only to fall back into the footprints we had already made on the path.

This semblance of a tug-of-war game left me breathless at times, but not the kind of breathless that leaves you gasping for air in the most painful way possible...the kind of breathless that leaves you loving the sweet burn of your lungs.

I still remember the fog that blanketed my car that day when we got lost down that strange highway that seemed to lead to nowhere...but we were going everywhere and anywhere, it seemed...

Nobody said it was easy at the time, but I knew that, for better or for worse (to be cliché), I would be there, holding your heart close to mine.

It was hard, but oh, the suffering was the sweetest I have ever know, really. To be yours is worth the price that I had to pay, which is really not even scratching the surface of your total worth.

Soon, I’ll be coming back to you. My first step on that Virginian ground will be met with the release of my pent-up emotions for you. Those precious words that have resounded across phone lines each day will fall from my lips once more, but I know that I will be able to look into your eyes and show you how much I mean them.

I’m coming back to you, baby...give me a week and I’m coming. Please tell me you’ll be there, waiting for me...

.eight.

Each time I see you or hear you, I get positively giddy with happiness...



And lately, it has steadily increased, because I know I will get to see your face in person very very soon...



Can I just tell you how much joy you have brought into my life? Truly, I feel like I'm deeply embedded in the pages of a highly unlikely romance novel, simply because I had thought relationships like these a mere fantasy, one which I would never see played out in my life.



And I know we're going to have a 'happily ever after', simply because you're involved and you always make me smile...and I hope and pray you will continue to do so the rest of my days.



Knowing that each moment that passes hurtles me closer to you makes me feel a bit dizzy with sheer joy. I couldn't let myself really believe it until I knew that my ticket to see you was secured...and I really am coming. Nothing shall stop me now.



My love for you grows exponentially each day. Instead of plateauing, the love is continually on an upward ascent each time I think of you, hear you, miss you...



Which is all the time, in case you didn't know. :]



Eight days, sweetie...eight twenty four hour periods separate me from you right now...and truly, I will wait out these days with the sweetest smile on my face, because I know that once I'm with you again, I will truly feel happy once more.

.nine.

I have waited for this ever so long...it seemed like an eternity loomed between now and the time when I could be in your arms again.

I was not sure when I would see you next...but now, I am certain.

Nine days is all that separates us right now...and it's verging on eight as we speak. Can you really believe that? You and I will be together again in such a short span of time...truly, it is nothing short of an act of God that has made this possible.

I know that He hears the prayer of the righteous, and He most certainly heard our pleas about the intense difficulty of this distance.

It feels so good to identify an answered prayer...especially one that is matchless in its importance to us.

Nine days, sweetie...216 hours...that's it...that's all we have to wait now.

Truly, being back with you again will be the best feeling in the whole wide world.

I can't wait...really, really can't wait to wrap my arms around you again...talk with you...tell you that I love you...

It's going to be amazing.

Nine days... :]

.a boy and a girl.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was madly in love with a boy.



And for good reason...because this boy wanted to give her the world and would do anything just to see her smile. Likewise, the girl wanted to drive hours upon hours simply to be able to hold him in her arms again for a moment.

This boy was beautiful, inside and out. Handsome simply isn't good enough for him, and even beautiful is verging on inadequate when it comes to describing the color of his soul and the care in his heart. He loved three things in this world above all else: his Savior, his family and the girl...

And oh, how blessed and fortunate this girl felt to call herself his. The girl knew that this was love, and above that, this was her first real taste of love...nothing had ever felt so right and her heart had never had such a peace about a boy before.

But then she met him...and it seems like the very colors of the world shine brighter now that he's here. The love she has for him pours over into all the areas of her life. Everything seems much more purposeful and the future...oh, it's so very bright and beautiful.

Their love transcends the miles...it surpasses the dissonance that arises from time to time...it surmounts all the non-believers in their relationship.

Right now, it is just Charles and Katie, deeply interwoven together through the unfailing love and devotion that they have poured into such a beautiful, God-given relationship.

.the luckiest.

I am the luckiest...

How blessed I feel at this moment in time...it's unmatchable, really.

I feel lucky that I get to talk to you every night.
I feel lucky that I get to tell you how I feel.
I feel lucky that you call me yours.
I feel lucky that we are so wonderfully matched...

Please hear me when I say that I love you truly.

Without you, really, there would not be this kind of joy that I have been so wonderfully blessed with lately...without you, there doesn't seem to be a reason to really smile as big as I do when I get to see your sweet face.

Goodness, I am so very blessed...really...

So you can send me flowers, buy me funny gifts to make me laugh or take me away to places we've never seen...

But truly, all I need is you...all I want is you...and without you here....well, I shall just be counting down the days until I am truly with you and yours again.

.is it a shame?.

Nobody said it was easy...it's such a shame for us to [be a]part...

Modifying those Coldplay lyrics seems to embody the feelings I have about us right now...

It is a shame that such a tender love should be distanced physically.
It is a shame that this girl cannot blush sweetly at your words of affection.
It is a shame that I cannot kiss you goodnight and wish for sweet dreams for you in person.
Such a shame...such a shame.

But...is it really? Are we a shame? No.

We are...we are...

Beautiful.loving.growing.learning.laughing.seeking.living.
reaching.knowing.inseparable.connected.in tune.in love...

We are all this and more. Instead of focusing on what we cannot be for each other at this moment...think of all we do have.

It is amazing that we are as close as we are emotionally.
It is amazing how present God has been in our relationship from the start.
It is amazing how much we care for each other.
So amazing...so, so amazing.

We are not longing for the past, but rather for what comes next for us. Forever looking forward, forever looking ahead, forever looking up...

No one promised that it would be easy. But you...oh...you make this struggle all the more sweeter...and all the more worthwhile with each passing day.

I am totally, completely and irrevocably in love with you.

.live to let you shine.

If you'll be my star
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
And come out at night
When I turn jet black
You show off your light
I live to let you shine.

I'm not sure how this correlates to us really, but I know this much...I do want to be the one who lets you shine as bright as you can. It would be a crime not to let you do so.

Others have been trying to cloud you out lately, it seems...cloud us out.
No matter what happens, I'll always be behind you, wrapping myself around all that you are and doing my best to keep you shimmering in that sky, my dear.

I keep looking at my wall. I have pasted two dozen plastic stars that glow when I turn out my light each night after listening to your dulcet tones telling me goodnight. The three largest ones make a triangle, but the little ones are equally beautiful in their radiance.

Becoming yours is a shining star in my memory, but all those little moments between are the ones that light up my night sky...the first time you told me you loved me...the first time you held my hand in yours...the first time you told me how much you loved my smile.

I trust you intimately...and I trust that we can stick together through the times people try to sever us by clouding our rosy view of the future. Just like I have stuck those stars you gave me on my wall, I have adhered you to my heart. Nothing will render us inseparable.

Please keep shining for me, even when we're apart. I know that we look up at the same night sky and trace our fingers along the constellations. Compared to the utter vastness of the night sky, the distance doesn't seem as far, does it?

Keep looking up, looking forward, looking toward the day when we are together again...and remember, I will always live to let you shine.

.please please please.

I am restless tonight.

I feel the need to leave, to venture out, to go away from here...

If I was where you were, I wouldn't feel quite so eager to leave...in fact, I wouldn't ever want to leave the place where you are at.

Truly, my heart has been relegated to the east coast, it seems...and while I am truly thrilled to give it to you to keep, I wish to be with you so that I can at least look you in the eyes when I tell you I love you...

Because, really, I do.

No one will ever take your place in my heart, this much is certain. Oh, I have friends, but nothing compares to you. No one would ever surpass the prominent place you have taken in my life, this is certain.

I am restless tonight...very, very restless.

I want to jump in my car and drive and drive and drive until I am with you again. This itch isn't a passing feeling; it is a notion I will have every day until I see you again.

Please, tell me you'll satiate my desire to leave by telling me you are coming...then, I will feel at peace...and patiently wait for your arrival and the moment when I will be back in your arms once more.

Please come back to me, my love...please, please, please.

.without you here.

The two month mark of separation looms on us, darling, but we are no worse for the wear, it seems...we have overcome this distance with such grace and love, more than I ever thought possible.

Me without you is not an ideal situation, granted...but oh, we absolutely adore one another despite these miles...that in itself is quite the accomplishment, is it not?

An easy one for me though...for you are so very loveable. Your every nuance, your very soul....so absolutely beautiful and shining to me.

As I watch you right now, sitting in that somewhat chilly room in Virginia, scratching your head in thought as you write down your feelings for me, my heart swells with love for you...as I watch the cute way you purse your lips as you ponder words, I wish to be there, as usual.

Truly, tonight, I do not want to fall asleep in this slightly uncomfortable dorm bed and wake up the next day to repeat the same set of classes that will be my routine for the next four months.

I want to wake up in the same state as you, the same town, the same house as you...and be able to run downstairs to kiss your cheek good morning with each passing day. I want to curl up with you on a sofa, whether it be here or there, and watch funny movies together, pausing now and then to gaze lovingly into each other's eyes...because, truly, when I'm with you next, that will be one of my top priorities...showing you how much I do love you...

It's the little things, darling...to hold your hand, to brush your cheek with my fingertips, to slip a little note in one of your textbooks for you to find during class...gosh, how I want to be that girl for you.

You are my everything...absolutely everything. While it hurts to be restrained from being with you physically at this moment in time, it makes the moments we will share so much sweeter. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and you, oh, you are solidifying that saying into a permanent reality for me.

So, truly, we have stretched our hands out across these miles so beautifully and held on tight over these two months...may our hands be rejoined together in the flesh sooner rather than later.

.i do love nothing so well as you.

The distance seemed greater today...

Not because you and I weren't as close...no...these days find us growing more and more inseparable with each passing moment.

No, I just really felt those miles today, it seems...I wanted you here so badly to hold my hand and stroke my hair, and likewise, I wanted to be the one who whispers those three beautiful words into your ear.

Shakespeare put it best, it seems...

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you."

Because, really, there is nothing in this world that holds such an endearing charm for me as your smile...nothing that makes me want to bridge the physical distance between us so often...nothing that makes these eyes light up at the sound of your voice as well as you.

My dear, I do love nothing in the world so well as you...so thoroughly as you...so ardently as you. This much is for certain and quite unconditional it seems...no distance will ever sever me from your heart, I am positive.

If there's one thing I wish for you to know tonight, know that...

It'll be you and I, together for all time...as long as you'll have me...and gosh, I pray you shall.

I love you, love you, love you!

.longing.

I am in love with the sweetest boy in the world...

He's kind, gentle, caring...and he loves me...that is amazing to me!

Hearing his voice every night has become the one thing that I cannot live without...and he is the one person that I cannot be without, for he is a part of me...an ever increasing part, it seems.

The days when I can hear his sweet voice telling me good morning begin so much brighter...the nights that he tells me he loves me before I sleep are so much sweeter...

Without him? No...there shall never be another day when I am not his anymore...we have promised that.

I love him more and more each day...and each day that I awake, the longing to see him grows ever greater...

I long to see his beautiful smile. I long to wrap my arms around him and stand together quietly for a long time and steal a perfect moment together. I long to speak to him about my love for him...and hear that he feels the same for me.

I long to see him.

But as for now, I know my love for him grows stronger and stronger with each passing day...and soon, the longing will be over...

.beautiful.

Your adorable smile...

*sigh*

I could write for days about how much joy seeing that grin spread across your handsome face brings me.

And that's just one thing out of countless others that make me squirm a little with happiness each time I think about them.

Have I told you how absolutely beautiful I think you are, inside and out?

I know that girls are usually the ones referred to as beautiful, but there is no other word that can even come close to describing your soul, your heart and you in general.

So you, my dear, are absolutely beautiful...beautiful in your care for others, your love for the Lord and your absolute love for me.

Seeing your smile...oh...without it, my days don't seem quite as bright. You make me so very happy...and seeing your happiness naturally evokes my own.

So please, darling...keep smiling for me...you are my everything, my beautiful one.

.never change for us at all.

It was so very cold today...

Driving home left me time to think...and as usual, my thoughts wandered to you...to us.

Today was the day that should have been ours together...but fate intervened and told us to wait a little while longer.

I can bear that, but I cannot deny the difficulty of today, knowing that I could have been driving in exactly the opposite direction to fetch you from the airport.

I instead satisfied myself with your CD, knowing that those ten songs you chose would make my heart sing almost as well as your voice and your presence does.

Hearing the words "you are so beautiful to me" still makes my heart clench up in my chest with pure joy...knowing that you really do think that of me brings an undeniably blissful smile to my face.

Knowing that you will always be "the greatest fan" of my life also seemed very apparently wonderful today to me...and you must know that I will do the same for you...for I am already your number one fan.

And, oh, the final song...

It reassured me that, no matter the distance, no matter if we're separated right now, one thing will always be constant...us.

We don't know when we'll be able to see each other again, and we don't know how...but our love will never change for us at all. I know this to be true, my love...I know it.

.mewithoutYou.

Me without you...

A difficult predicament, it seems. Each day that passes brings a new wave of emotion that makes me remember how absolutely apparent your absence is.

Your adorable smile makes my day so much brighter. I long to sit next to you and hold your hand in mine. I want to brush your cheek with my fingertips. I want to whisper something very special in your ear...

I love you.

No one can really understand this ache, this longing, this missing that I have for you...to keep us apart is verging on criminal in my mind, because this heart is so plaintive without you here.

No one can bring that spark into my eyes like you do. No one can hold me like you can. No one can love me like you do. No one else.

Please, please, please come to me soon, my love. I would surely be sent into transports of joy at the mere sight of you.

Me without you...

An equation that will never add up quite right.

We'll rectify that soon.

Soon.

.forever means...forever.

When I think about you, my very soul cries out to be near to you.

Being away from you has taken its toll...to be so hopelessly in love with someone so far away can be taxing, but you, my darling, are so worth every bit of frustration or sadness.

When I hear your voice, I trip over my own words of affection...I cannot accurately put into words exactly how much I care for you....words do not seem wise at times, for I do not trust my own feeble attempts at capturing the heart in words to do you justice.

These pangs running through my chest are not a pain that I have felt before...the deep longing I have to be nestled safely in the crook of your arm evokes this kind of wrenching ache in my chest. You are the only cure...without your caress and your smile, I am sentenced to endure this sweet suffering.

I say sweet because it is a cross I will gladly bear...one I am privileged and blessed to bear. I would wait for years to grasp another hour and a half with you. I would suffer beyond the realms of pain I have ever known to hold your hand for an instant. All of this may seem like empty poetic promises, but this is the most introspective view of my heart I can offer through words.

To truly know the depth of my devotion and love for you is impossible...it spans these miles separating us and all these hurdles that are strewn across our path right now.

Our blessed heavenly Father tells us He will "never leave or forsake" us. Though I pale in comparison with the devotion of a perfect King, I promise you this:

I will never, never leave your side, my love...and I will never take what we have lightly. It is much beyond what I have ever thought possible to attain, and you...oh...you are my dreams coming true.

You are in my heart always...and will be...until the end of time.

.he is...

There's no one more special to me than my baby.

When I'm feeling sad about the distance, he picks me up and makes me smile again.

Truly, tonight, he had me laughing and smiling again within the course of an hour...when before, I was despondent and down in the dumps.

Without him, I am incomplete...not in the cheesy way, but in the honest way...he is a part of me now and I never want to lose him.

He is absolutely breathtaking when he smiles, and it is contagious, because I start smiling like a fool after he does.

His laugh is adorable, and no other voice holds so much meaning for me.

His heart...indescribable, because such beauty can't be confined by words.

And he is mine...dare I even believe it to be true that someone like him would love me so?

You tell me...after all, you are him...and I love you very, very much.

.special one.

Do you know how incredibly special you are to me?

Without you, I can't seem to be able to really smile the way I do when I talk to you.

I'm telling you, my days are spent waiting to escape into a phone so I can talk with you for awhile about our days, our thoughts, our hardships.

Telling you how much you mean to me is a daunting task, if not impossible...simply because I cannot find the words to articulate such a stunningly beautiful feeling.

This feeling will never be equaled. It will never be matched. You and I, we are meant to be, and without you, I am at a loss.

So, my darling, think of me tomorrow as you fly through your busy day. When you feel frustrated or stressed, know that I am 750 miles away, loving you and thinking about you...and just remember, you are so special to me...and you mean the world to me.

I love you so very much...and I'll never stop. :]

.home sweet home?.

So, I'm all settled in...everything's unpacked and I'm ready for a new semester...new courses...new ideas. Everything's as it should be...

But one pretty important part is missing...and that, of course, is you.

You're currently holding my heart hostage and a huge part of me is sitting in that room with the three happy fish swimming around in their tank and the loud fan that you fixed.

Yep, without you here, I won't ever feel totally complete. I've got everything necessary for success in the classroom, but as for successes of the heart...well...you're a necessity.

Just listening to you talking about your college friends and the fun you'll be having this semester makes me ache to be there with you. Truly, I want to be the girl who walks with you to your classes and the girl who curls up with you on the sofa in the evening to watch the Emperor's New Groove.

I know that, in due time, we shall be together for quite a long while, but part of me is impatient, wishing for me to be near you right now and always.

So, know that I miss you so very much and I wish I was there...more than ever, it seems. I'm home again, but home sweet home doesn't seem like a reality until you're here with me for all time.

:]

.so much.

So much...

So much has happened over the course of two short months...sixty days...that's all it took for such a beautiful and unpredictable relationship to really blossom and flourish.

So much has been said between us...from the randomly hilarious comments to the deeply introspective talks where we pour our souls out...and each moment is one I cherish.

So much has been shared, from the crazy way we both have to kick off our socks before really getting to sleep to the terrible difficulties we have when it comes to directions...

I've never felt so much certainty and peace when it comes to thinking about someone else...but you bring out the best in me, letting me shine with happiness and joy when I think about us.

I've never had so much care in my heart for another...but you inspire me to care for you from the deepest realms of my heart...my entire heart is dedicated to loving you, it seems!

I've never loved someone so much...but it seems that we have something that people oftentimes search their entire lives for...but God has been good enough to us to lay it right in front of us.

It's seems that I've found my better half...and I thank God for that so much.

So much is yet to come for us...we have many plans and endeavors that we wish to undertake.

As the distance gets us down from time to time, just remember that we have so much going for us....

And trust me, the one thing that will never change is that I love you...

So much.

.sunshine.

This girl missed you today so much, baby...

Getting your package in the mail today and reading your letter filled with beautiful words to me was wonderful...but my heart yearned to be near you again.

It's been over a month and, while I'm not technically lonely, I miss you more than I knew I could ever miss someone.

I sit here tonight, contemplating whether or not you and I will be reunited in a week, and the mere thought brings a smile to my face.

One week...such a short time...and if I knew for certain you were coming, I would not be able to contain my happiness.

Even as it is, I feel this palpable bliss rubbing off on other people. I smile more, laugh more and care more...all because of you.

To be slightly cheesy and quote the silly little song my dad used to sing me when I was a little girl...

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear
How much I love you

So please don't take my sunshine away.

.i will never leave you.

Never, ever, EVER think I'm going to throw my hands up in frustration, give up or leave you.

You...you are too amazing for words, really. I know nothing that I say will do you justice because your heart is so absolutely beautiful that it overwhelms me at times.

You control yourself when your anger would not be unwarranted...you overcome these tests and trials with more grace than anyone I have ever seen...and you still love me through it all.

Please, please, please never think that this mess in your life will keep me from you. I would be by your side in an instant right now if I could, holding your hand through this struggle...I'm begging you to believe this one because it is so true.

You tell me not to worry about you and not to be sad on your account...might as well tell me to stop breathing. You are a part of me. When you hurt, I hurt. When you are being attacked, I am too.

You and I are inseparable, remember? We are so tightly interwoven in all the aspects of our lives that no one can pull us apart...nothing...no one...no distance, nothing.

You quiet my restless heart when you speak to me. Your words of love and care make me feel like you are there with me, stroking my hair as I lay my head on your shoulder. Even when the sadness overwhelms me, you love me through it all the same...and I feel your heart reaching out to me at this exact moment in time.

Please...don't ever say that I don't deserve this...because I love every part of you...all of it.

And that's a promise I intend to keep for the rest of my life.

.lilies.

When I awoke today, my entire room smelled like lilies and, of course, I thought about you.

To me, you are more beautiful than the entire bouquet of flowers...you mean so much to me.

I hate to be cliched, but our love is blossoming more and more each day just like a beautiful, God-designed lily.

Nothing you could tell me would ever make our love wilt and die...I know the flowers will eventually fade and the blooms will drop, but we shall keep growing, my love.

Each gorgeous part of you is something I feel truly blessed to call my own. Your life is so fruitful; you are continually amazing me with your displays of strength in difficult situations and unfailing care toward others.

You make me feel that spark of life again...you make me excited to do all those wonderful and beautiful things we've talked about. You inspire me to ardently seek out what God has in store for me...or should I say...us.

You are absolutely wonderful, my love. My love. Those words are so beautiful...for you are mine...and I do love you...unconditionally.

.always on my mind.

My love for you is so strong, my darling...nothing can compare to how I feel for you.

You are the first thought on my mind when I awake and the last thing that crosses my mind before I finally slip off into sleep...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

A day without talking to you seems empty and lifeless...but when I hear your voice again, awakening my emotions and my love, I cannot stifle just how happy I feel.

I've told you my cheeks hurt from smiling so much...and it's true. I guess this is what love feels like...

And I wouldn't have it any other way because, of course, you mean everything to me.

When I saw my beautiful lilies today, a thousand thoughts rushed through my head, and each and every one of them were filled with love for you...you know me so well.

Sending me flowers all across the miles is wonderful, but something else is coming my way soon across the miles...and as lovely as those flowers were, I think this is a lot better.

It's you, of course...you're coming to see me and I can't wait. Really...I can't. You're my everything and nine days can't pass by soon enough...but I will wait patiently.

Until I'm back in your arms again, I'll be counting down the days....

.inseparable.

I'm doing everything for you...I simply adore you, so I plan on spending the rest of my life with you.

I wanna be the one who makes you smile for all time, know that...I love seeing that adorable grin spread across your face.

Do you know what else I love about you?

Well, besides the obvious answer of 'everything'...

I love the fact that you'll give me your cucumbers...I love that you care just as much about animals as I do...and I love that you call me your baby every night.

I get through my days fairly easily, but you make it so much more worthwhile it seems...I look forward to hearing your beautiful voice each night because I know you're the only one who really sees me for me...and still likes me.

Everything about you is crazily amazing...and I wouldn't have it any other way. The distance thing? People might as well save their breath if they're going to try to talk me out of being with you...because you and I are inseparable.

It's true.

So here's to 23409823094823409823 more beautiful moments with you...may I be this completely happy for the rest of my days.

.may we?.

I have never been happier to have slipped up on my words...because tonight, we broke the rules and told each other how we felt for the very first time.



We both know that beating around the bush isn't an elusive idea...it's more like a talent we mastered long ago.



But sometimes, I like giving it a rest...and pouring out my entire heart to you.



That's right...all of it...simply because it all belongs to you anyway.



Do you know how thoroughly you have captured this girl's heart? Truly, Missouri and New Jersey are so many miles apart, but my heart feels like it's lying right next to yours right now.



Nothing you could do would make me change my mind about how much I care for you. Everything about you is beautiful...your love for others, for God and for me.



And so much more, my darling...you are everything to me. Everything I've wanted, needed or hoped for...and so much more it seems. Each day, I am finding out more and more things about you that I love.



May we have an infinite amount of time to explore the hearts of each other to their fullest extent. May we always be able to turn to each other and let those three little words drop from our lips with the utmost sincerity. May I always be able to lie in your arms and kiss your lips.

May we always seek ardently after Him and devote our lives to His glory.



May we always be together.

.you are more important than sleep anyways.

Truly, your voice is quite possibly the best thing to wake up to.

Tonight, when I heard you, pulling me out of my sleep, I was thrilled to hear your voice again. Nothing could keep me away from listening to you tonight.

My day really won't seem complete if you haven't told me goodnight...it seems like a wasted day if I haven't heard your adorable Jersey accent pouring through the phone lines.

Sure, I miss you more and more with each word, but it's a price I'm willing to pay...just hearing you makes my heart flutter and makes me smile bigger than I ever have before.

My mother teases me for being so lovestruck by you, but I don't mind...for who better to be so head over heels for? You are everything I've ever wanted, and I'll never tire of telling you just how absolutely amazing I think you are.

Because, really, you are amazing.

Every part of you sings of your love for our Heavenly Father, and I wouldn't have it any other way, my darling...everything you are is a constant testament to your love for Him.

I feel blessed to be able to call you my own. May I always call you mine...I know I would be the luckiest girl if I could for all time.

.my heart is yours.

Each time I hear your voice, my heart feels full to the point of bursting with such happiness.

Never before have I been attached to someone who inspires such a wonderful reaction in my heart.

Truly, you make me smile from the deepest parts of me...I feel your warmth and care down to my very toes when you call me your darling.

I want to always be your darling because you are, quite simply put, the one for me...there absolutely cannot be someone else out there that is so perfectly suited to all my little quirks and funny habits.

I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not when I talk to you...I know you'll love everything I say, despite my shortcomings from time to time. You laugh when I tell you pointless stories, and gosh, that is so wonderful because I sure do tell them a lot!

Basically, what I'm trying to say is...well...I am in love with all the little things you do for me. It's so much more than just loving that, but I think you know where I'm going with it.

I miss you more and more each day, but thirteen days...well...thirteen isn't an unlucky number to me, especially since you're involved now.

I never want to lose you...please, stay by my side always, my darling.

.you're in my care always.

How I longed to be there with you tonight...

I do always want to take care of you too...especially when you are not feeling well, my darling.

I would have loved to stroke your cheek gently as you laid your head next to mine. I would have given anything to be able to make it all better with a kiss and tell you how much I love...

But even if I cannot be there, do know that you are always on my mind. Your well-being is so very important to this girl, and I cannot deny that I can only be happy when you are too.

You're the only one who knows about my shower concerts...the only one who knows how important it is to liberate one's feet from the constricting confines of socks before bed...the only one who would be able to make me rest easy at night by saying goodnight to me.

This missing of you grows steadily every day, increasing exponentially, it seems...but this heart can bear it, for it is so consumed with all you are. Your beauty radiates in absolutely every corner of your life, and I feel blessed to be a part of it.

Each night before I slip off into sleep, I thank God for you. Each morning, when I wake up, I thank God for you.

I hope and pray that I will do the same for the rest of my life...God willing, I plan on it.

.never without you.

I love the way you call me baby...you take me as I am.

I have never felt so loved in all of my life by someone as extraordinary as you. Each time your name flashes across the screen of my cell phone, the butterflies of euphoria come out to dance in my stomach.

Every time you call me yours, my heart gives another little twinge of joy...it's just another sign that I am completely struck by you.

I always love what we speak of...from the most ridiculous scenarios to future endeavors we wish to undergo to the undying care we have for each other...I savor each moment.

You must know how deeply this care for you runs...it is rooted in my very being. Tearing you away from me would be comparable to tearing out my very heart, for it is not mine any longer.

I know you always desire to be the one for me that picks me up when I fall, the one who strokes my forehead when I am sick and the one who holds my hand when I am unsure.

But do you know how truly I wish to be the same for you? I do always want to smooth the creases of worry out of your forehead. I long to nestle in the crook of your arms late at night when you feel lonesome. I wish to be the one for you who you can always turn to, your true confidante.

My love for every part of your heart has blossomed into a garden flourishing with life...the likes of which I have never seen. This overwhelming feeling is the constant background music to my days lately, and you, of course, are always on my mind.

I find it hard to express such an undescribable feeling...but then again, do I have to worry?

I think you feel the same way, my dear.

.list.

Things I love about you:

• Your smile
• Your laugh
• Your voice
• Your love for cherries
• Kim Jong Il
• Your uncanny ability to know just what presents will make me smile (ahem...Chia Pet)
• Your love for others
• Your love for God
• Two words: Wally Wallafred
• Coffee (heehee)
• Your impeccable taste in movies
• Your appreciation for the simple pleasures in life
• Macaroni & cheese!
• Sha nay nay
• Sweet mercy!
• Addison
• Your pretty eyes
• Steak & ketchup!
• No music while you're sleeping
• The fact that you always tell me that I'm beautiful
• Socks. Off.
• Holding hands
• Phone conversations that no one else can compare to
• Your adorable Joisey accent :]
• Your love for your family

And that, my dear, is just scratching the surface.

There is one more general, all-encompassing addition to this list of things that I love, love, love...

But 17 days isn't seeming too terribly long, now is it?

Just know that it's true...such a true feeling has never been felt in my heart.

I, uh, banana you....with all my heart.

.2008.

Ringing in the New Year last night was fun...but I couldn't help but miss your presence.

I kept thinking of how much you would love to meet all my friends, and how thrilled I would be to show you off because you're just that special to me.

Of course, even though you were a thousand miles away, when 2007 slipped away into 2008, you were the only thing on my mind.

I knew that with the start of a new year, therein lies the promise of new endeavors, new resolutions and new journeys.

But there is one small thing about 2007 that I wouldn't let go of for the world...well...it's not exactly small.

You're the one thing that I would not change. I don't want it to change. I want to grow and change with you...

And I know you'll stick with me through it all.

Your care, your trust and your committment...only three things about you that I love...there are many, many more.

All I know is that 2008 holds a lot of promise...but you are the most promising aspect of it all.