.little did i know.

I never thought I'd be so anxious to see January.

When I left you that day at your hotel, I didn't realize that I was driving away from the one who literally holds my heart captive.

I swear, I didn't know when I was sitting there with you in that random parking lot, my head nestled into your shoulder, that I would be longing to relive that moment just days later.

I didn't know that the few hours that we did spend together would soon integrate themselves to the most often replayed moments in my head.

I didn't know that I would think of you with every laugh that shakes my body, each dream I entertain, or every beautifully crafted sunset...if I had known how palpable your absence would be, I would have clung tighter to you when you had to leave.

Missouri seems drab this time of year. The endless see-sawing back and forth between snow and rain, mild and harsh and pleasant and dreary has taken its toll on my spirits.

But when you were with me in that gray city...no place else on Earth was as beautiful or as highly sought after to me. There was no place I'd rather be.

When I left you that day...I did not know how unbearable your departure would be until the next morning. I awoke, excited but oddly empty because you were not near.

I never thought I'd see the day that I wished for the odd, dreary month of January...but since this month, just like the city you visited, holds the promise of you...I think of little else.

And finally the silence,
Looking out, looking back across the sky.
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind.