.pieces of you.

There's a red envelope that I keep by my desk that has my name written in your handwriting...I know it contains sweet words from you.

There's a cute figurine of a pig in a blanket that sits quaintly nearby.

There's a silver picture frame with your handsome smile beaming out towards me, always making me smile.

A duct tape ring, a New Jersey license plate...yes, you seem to have permeated my life in the best way possible, and all those vestiges of you make me so very happy to look at.

Hearing your voice every morning, every night...I love our routine and I can't remember what life was like before we fell into this beautiful habit. Every sweet reminder belongs in this room, just as you belong in my life...truly, you do!

I would not have it any other way, my love. Please do not stop leaving bits and pieces of you behind each time you come to stay for awhile. Never break our wonderful habit of always trying to keep in contact. Never, ever stop being the way you are...

I love you so, so much...you are the light in my soul, truly. I can't imagine going on without you.
I love, love, love you!

.awake.

At times, I wonder what the real difference is between waking and sleeping.

The dreary monotony of my days lately brings these questions to the surface of my mind...the restless dreams of slumber do not have disparity with the constant rush of my days...all seems alike to this insatiable heart.

The moments when the sweet and wonderful differences are clear are those that stay permanently stamped in my memory...they popped out from the dull gray exterior like colorful 3D shapes that wrapped themselves around my weary mind and helped me to see that, oh, there is something that makes sleep the enemy, someone who I want to stay awake for...and he, oh, he makes all the difference between waking and sleeping.

I could wile away my days, legs wound tightly against my chest, deep in sleep...and when he is gone, yes, I do wish that I could hit the fast forward button by sleeping away the weeks that are void of his touch...

But when I see that familiar gleam in his green eyes, run my hand over the beautiful shadows on his jaw...then, I remember, through those feelings, what it means to truly be awake...a thousand jolting feelings flood my heart, my eyes, my lips...all pour out this all-encompassing feeling of love to him.

He is the one that keeps these eyes open, searching for the key to unlock the door that holds the meaning of awake...the one that keeps me from longing for sleep to forget the repetitive days...the one that shows me what it really means to be alive...and awake.

I will stay awake for him. For all time.

.never want to escape.

My heart just told me that it is lonely tonight, and will remain so until you are here again.

I am captured in time, frozen with the feelings of a pure, unadulterated love upon my face...I cannot and will not forget the brush of our first kiss nor the bliss I feel when you and I chase the sunshine down the road nor any other memory you and I have made together...you are utterly unforgettable.

I will not move from this feeling. I will not escape from this all consuming love, this driving force that slumbers deep inside my heart even when my mind is forced to focus on other areas.

No one can break me away from these chains that I so willingly bear that tie me to your love, your heart...though the distance is far, I would gladly bear much more if only to see your loving eyes upon mine for a moment.

I cannot escape you! How bold it is of me to say it, but just writing it down solidifies how truly it resonates within me...I know this feeling just as surely as I know anything. And the most freeing part of this permanent hold you have on me (to be ironic) is that I could never want anything more than this feeling.

It is the sweetest feeling in the world, to be so utterly entwined in you that there is no other way to live...if you cut me away from the vine that is you, I will shrivel and fold in on myself, curling up to die in a desperate and loveless existence. Without you here, I am slowly but surely fading...the color fades from my eyes and the sparkle that you incite seems to be lost.

But it is temporary, my love, for I know that upon seeing you again, my eyes will shine and overflow with the love that I have kept so deep inside this aching soul. I will fly to you and you shall look deep in my eyes and see that you cannot escape me any more than I can evade you.

.breathe in.

My throat felt constricted today, leaving me visibly breathless as I struggled to push the thoughts of your looming absence out of this clouded head.

Even the most arbitrary tasks like breathing seem painful and drawn-out when you aren't here...with your hand in mine, I inhale and exhale with the greatest ease, savoring the sweet feeling of air in my lungs.

But oh, have I mentioned how unstable my days are without you? Your hands may just seem like just another part of your body to you, but they quite literally hold me together...without you, I fall to pieces, grasping at the crumbling foundation of my purpose as I descend into the throes of the melancholy.

But the reuniting is always so sweet, my love...feeling your embrace again for the first time is intoxicating...I cannot get enough of your touch, your look...and you always leave me panting, begging for more.

Tonight, my chest aches upon the blunt realization of your apparent absence. This heart is struggling to beat its way out of its constraints to escape across the miles to lie next to you tonight. I wish to break free from these chains that tie me to this dismal city so that I can breathe easy in your soothing presence.

Waiting is such sweet sorrow...the parting, it is just dull, dull sorrow. The separation has a silver lining, for I do fall deeper and deeper into this passionate love I have for you with each passing day. But oh, I pray it does not last much longer...

I cannot breathe without you here.

.tonight.

Focusing is increasingly hard without your constant hand to hold on to.

Without your strong grip encasing my sometimes feeble hand, I feel lost, desolate, confused...that is, until I hear that wonderful voice pouring across the distance and seeping into my very being, making me feel so very alive once again.

Without you, the spark in my eyes flickers and goes out quietly, ever more with each passing day. When you come to me again so swiftly and lovingly, the flames begin again, rushing out of my very fingertips with the heat emanating from my very core.

This love that drips ever so softly from my eyes from time to time is only for you. This love that always cascades from my lips when I speak of you is only for you. This love that hides behind my closed eyes at night...it is only for you.

This beautiful, bold, unpredictable love sleeps inside me throughout the day, always winding its way around my heart and infusing itself in my very breath. I breathe in your love with each gasp of these lonesome lungs, and I know that soon you will constantly be by my side, singing over me and filling this tired heart with overflowing joy.

I will rush to you with the wind and water tonight...I will lie by your side, constantly reminding you of how much I feel. Do you feel? Do you feel it with you now as you read these words that stretch across the miles to sit beside you in the depths of the night? I am hurtling across the miles, swifter than the light that tries to catch me in the black of night and soon, I will be huddled in your warm embrace once again, if only in spirit tonight.

I will fall asleep with you tonight and rest easy in the arms that I know so well. I will trace figures across your beautiful face as you fall into the depths of a dream and watch the sleep parade across your features.

I will be with you tonight because this love we have transcends all distance.

.love actually.

The whisper of your breath against my neck will float along with me always.

The gentle nuances of you...they will follow my steps, pacing slightly behind me and always hanging above me, reminding me of all that you are.

The fog drapes low over me now, clouding my eyes, concealing my purpose...I left it all behind five hours ago, and I have been consistently craning my neck to catch the fleeting glimpses of the past four days before they sink into the clouds of my fallible memory.

This insurmountable distance...I feel as if I am climbing a treacherous mountain that seems to lack any sturdy footholds...I am simply grasping at pebbles for some kind of support, rendering me doomed as I slide down the face of the crest.

Where is your strong hand, your protecting grasp, your timeless face? Hidden from view, my heart’s desire is further than these thousand miles that technically separate us now...it is strewn out in space, severed in half, blown away like the seeds of some exotic flower that I never had seen before I saw your face.

But the truth is, I did see a face...I saw a face...a face of the one that I always want to know. I want to watch that beautiful face change with the years, watch the parade of emotions that will run the gamut across your features, explore each line and crevice that will eventually crease your face with the passage of time. I want to always run my hands over the rough stubble of your strong jaw line, feeling the heat of your love pressed against my own skin as we lie entangled in a goose bump infested embrace.

I remember the smell of your shoulder, the taste of your neck, the feel of your legs against mine. How could I forget? Each memory that we have created rivals a precious relic that I never wish to slip from my grasp into the realms of the forgotten.

Where are you now? Are you dashing across the paved paths to the epicenter of the population? Do the curved dendrites spiraling out from this pulsing center of communication somehow lead me to you? The shining lights of your city seem to reach out to me, lighting the hallways in my heart that have been darkened since you took your leave. This mean city that I am tied to seems brighter when I think of your radiant presence in my life.

The feeling of the whisper of your heart against my heart will float along with me always...
Always reminding...always remembering...always creating...always growing.

It's more than just a feeling...it's love, actually.

"If you don't love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve."
-Donald Miller

.here's to the future.

My future is so utterly beautiful now that you're in my life...do you know that?

You make my days have so much more purpose, so much more reasoning behind them...all because your love is singing over me with each step I take, each breath I breathe.

I can almost taste what it will feel like to be yours forever because I know that we will be united as one before the next three years have passed. I can nearly hear those words that we will say at the altar, nearly feel the press of your hand against mine as we leave the church as a permanent couple, nearly see the future that we are already so lovingly planning...

Every sound that comes from you is precious to me, so why would I ever want to stop listening to you? The next natural progression in our relationship is to solidify this bond that we already have in the eyes of the world, to be promised to each other forever...

And truly, I cannot wait for the day that I can proudly call myself the betrothed to someone as wonderful as you...I will be even more blessed than I already am, if that's possible.

It's just the waiting part now...I know that you love me as much as I love you. Soon, we will put a permanent stamp on that love and sail through our days knowing that we will soon be joined together forever.