I don't know exactly what provoked me to let you back into my life as, dare I say it, a friend.

The gentle nudging of my Father to repair what was once broken softly pushed me closer and closer to your retreating back.

Much to my surprise, you turned around when I tapped you on the shoulder and, though I could not make eye contact, I felt your warmth all around me. Your apology was like a vice had been released from around my heart and my burning lungs opened up again, allowing me to breathe deeply and fully.

I don't know what provoked it, but I was glad to hear of your eagerness to see me.

Two days later, I was literally shaking as I pushed open that jangling door to sit down across from you in that intimate little coffee shop that smelled like home and cinnamon. The dim lighting of the art-deco lamp that sat at our table surrounded you, making your edges blurred and the lines of your face soft. I drank my bitter hot chocolate and nuzzled the rim of my cup to my mouth to hide my trembling lower lip.

Four sets of eyes from across the room bored holes through my concentration because I knew what they were thinking.

"What is she doing with him again?"

I was asking myself the same question the entire time. Sitting down across from you broke the dam that I had built to hold all those painful memories of you, and they all came flooding back over me, eroding the mountains I had built over the graves you dug in me, exposing those skeletons I had so artfully hid from everyone.

The familiar canter of your voice, the golden stubble on your jawline and the piercing blue eyes choked me as I forced my green eyes to meet yours. It was painful. So painful.

I think I did a nice job acting like I was fine. I think I am fine most of the time, but these little rendezvous remind me of how unprepared and broken I still am. You saw me as strong, collected and moved on away from you, which is exactly what I desired.

But inside? Oh, that's another story. The withered heart that still faintly pulsates in my chest from time to time was jolted to life with a electric spasm when I looked into your eyes.

You remind me of a time when we were so alive. Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

You are so wrong for me. So wrong.

But tell me...why do I still imagine us together?